Reconnection Research: My Six To Do’s

I finally did some research for my No Sex/Reconnection Experiment.

Which brings me to my first action item:

1) Agree to reprioritize sex [1]

As it has taken me over a week to follow up on my goal to research intimacy-building, and my husband hasn’t pushed this forward whatsoever on his own, this point is clearly number 1. We both obviously have our reasons to not touch on the topic, but things will never get better if we don’t make them a priority.

2) Check in about feelings daily. Not about work.[2]

That’s the kicker. I skipped over all the suggestions about talking because we do: we talk all the time, and quite often about our feelings. But, 90% of the time, we’re talking strategies: improving work situations, increasing our financial standing, goals and dreams for the future. A focus on how we feel and where we stand in life and with each other is going to be the next thing to implement. Daily.

3) Pillow talk![3]

This is one of my favourite things – spending time together cuddling and chatting just before bedtime – but we usually stay up much too late, hop in bed exhausted, and pass out. Not sure if I’ll combine it with #2, because I’d prefer pillow talk to be much lighter conversation. Will make this a to-do at least 3 times a week.

4) Connection moments [3]

These would include things like “Soul Gazing” and “Forehead Touching.” I think these are really sweet and an easy way to be intimate and close physically without pressure. The trick will be to make the space to do this so it doesn’t feel rushed and out of nowhere. Aiming for 3 times a week. (Truth: I had a hard time even writing that. Maybe not so easy).

5) Hang out together.

I’m adding this one myself. I’m a quality time kind of person (he’s a ‘touch’ if we’re speaking the Love Languages), so for me, spending time cooking dinner together or reading to each other or playing some sort of game is a valid way of connecting. He’s really only into the reading bit but I’d like for us to step out of our usual routine of one of us making dinner and then eating it in front of the TV. 3 times a week.

6) Work towards the physical touch

A lot of websites cited “putting yourself in the mood for sex” or even just having sex as a way of building emotional intimacy, but that’s a bit much for me. So instead, I’ll add work towards back rubs and make out sessions once a week.

That actually sounds like quite a few things to do but in the end these are things I’d like to implement through the next month (which is quickly becoming a very long month indeed).

The relationship coach from two of those links also has a 14-Day Relationship Revitalizer that I’d like to implement ideas from (again, not all as sexual intimacy is included), and has a post on non-sexual ways of reconnecting as well. A lot of his articles seem pretty decent actually (more in-depth than many without being too research sounding), so if you’re interested in reading anything else on these topics, it might be worth a browse 🙂

Wish me luck!