The truth is that as I’m catching up with my context for this blog, time keeps passing. The “Experiment” was actually initiated over two weeks ago now – it was what prompted me, finally, to start writing here – but it feels like I’ve barely participated in it.
To update thus far on what did happen:
Communication lines were open.
We had a long chat about everything, where we were coming from, the circumstances under which we get uncomfortable, how to deal with those situations, and agreed that we did still want to be together and get back to being intimate.
More importantly, we’ve managed to check in with each other a few times after things have come up in social situations (even something as simple as talking about sex), and that has been a weight off my shoulders.
We got touchy.
When he got gropey, I didn’t push him away or make faces. He didn’t take it any further and even though there were moments where it felt unnatural and I wanted to resist out of habit, going along with it turned out to be not so bad and made him almost disproportionally happy.
We got giggly.
Being really open with one another and allowing ourselves to enjoy being touchy made us a lot more relaxed, close, and just fun. We giggled a lot, felt lovely dovey like teenagers. When you’re not also going through puberty when you feel that way, it’s pretty much awesome.
Passively, the ‘Experiment’ has been alright, but I knew from the beginning that it would likely need to be a conscious, active experiment to actually work. Letting things continue as they were with only the agreement that we weren’t going to have sex had a bit of a honeymoon effect, and without a consistent check-in, our conversations on the topic became a bit halted, I started resisting his touchiness, and our lovely dovey-ness went away (partially anyway).
So this week, I’m going to research some intimacy builders and start again participating actively. I don’t love the idea of forcing ourselves to give each other massages or bubble baths so I will have to post an update on what I find!